Varsity Blood (2014)


Rife with cheap silliness and blood as you would expect from a horror film of this title and premise. It’s in no way awful but for a horror film the whole thing is cliched and their attempt at a masked ‘Scream’-esque twist gets convoluted in many uninteresting back stories that you just don’t care. It’s one of those cheap movies you’d half watch late at night on telly.

Briefly realising a death happened in the pre-titles, we then see the football mascot slaughter a busty cheerleader, we’re in the cheesy slasher arena for the long haul guys. A group of high school jocks and cheerleaders are preparing for Halloween by heading out to rural farmhouse to get drunk, drugged up and fornicate as is per norm in horror films of this status. Though this arguing nasty group of people, aside from a few have a past they try to cover up and someone, in said mascot uniform may now be picking them off to get revenge.

It’s of course a good looking cast, though acting prowess if obviously not high on the agenda of reasoning to hire them I’d hazard a lot of money to say. The lines in a lot of cases are delivered as if they know they’re in a nonsense horror, almost like they’re trying to be ‘Scary Movie’ about it all. If that’s the plan then I take it back and wow, they’re on point. It’s just wildly girly screaming and boyish masculinity when faced with the creeper at the farmhouse. The actual thicker attempts at story line are delivered so quickly or badly that everything seems to get muddled.

There is way too much going on in the writers of this film trying to be smart by creating ‘I Know What You Did Last Summer’ intentions, it gets so so lost amongst different characters, their squarely moulded personalities and the angst between them all. I just don’t get how they are even friends, they all seem to hate each other on the whole and then the writing of the killer mascot reveal is so stupendously out there that you have to marvel at how near genius it is for trying to be clever. It kind of works but you know something is up when they keep mentioning the killer is someone else, then you know it isn’t, if they’d never mentioned anything the twist would have been very good.

Apart from the sex, coke and boozing, these guys and dolls are extremely dumb, one girl gets herself killed when she could have just stepped out of the way and geez, the amount of times she kept falling over prior to that, you were wishing her death to come. I know that’s the kind of thing to expect in horror films but it’s so over the top that it doesn’t work. There’s like three characters that I liked in any aspect, apart from that the film fails because you never feel scared for them as they’re bitches or douche bags. They’re the kind of people in school you’d hate as they bully and rule the corridors, so seeing them killed is good. I understand that this film is targeting them on purpose so it gets brownie points for joyfully slaying that crowd.

This film does just enough to stand as a horror film, it probably being the least picked DVD on the shelf but it got there so credit. It’s a scrape through affair that resembles the students of this film scraping through education to become unquestionably forgettable in later life.



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