Ten from the Bottom

It’s nearly Christmas time, by jolly holly it’s in fact Xmas Eve…so what better way to celebrate than honouring the big fat turkeys of the movie calendar. Some could quite easily slip into the top or bottom (however you want to look at it) ten list but by watching their trailers I never saw the film as I didn’t want to waste my time knowing it would be bad. So alas, Transformers, The Giver, The Best of Me or in fact Free Birds and others will not appear as I’ve never (luckily) seen them.


Sound the festive horn people, my list of ten worst films from 2014 is as follows. *of course this is my opinion, so don’t virtually jump on me, but please do let me know what your choices are*

10. LUCY – It has some rather cool ideas and the first 30-40 minutes or thereabouts are slick and watchable but then hell breaks lose and Luc Besson decides to think the film is smarter than it is and all bets are off as Scar-Jo becomes a goddess. See the further review of ‘Lucy’ by clicking here.

9. NEED FOR SPEED – Very cheesy, the vehicular tricks aren’t that inspiring or dramatic. Aaron Paul is uninteresting, Imogen Poots has one of the worst female characters in history and the story is as flat as a second rate tyre. Race on over to check out my review of ‘Need for Speed’.

8. JERSEY BOYS – Clint Eastwood gives the Four Seasons biopic some grit and style but on the whole it feels long and lacking of soul or magic. Watch Get on Up instead. Review under the lamppost ‘Jersey Boys’.

7. MALEFICENT – Takes a Disney classic and twists it to hideous new forms in a pointless retelling, it looks crystal clear in style, magic and darkness but evil is sucked out to make bad good and ruin the original tale. Jolie’s class, a metaphor and the imagery make it bearable. Read my review here – ‘Maleficent’.

6. TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES – Childish, badly scripted and acted. Produced by Michael Bay. Megan Fox. Terrible nightmarish turtle CGI, a bland villain, Megan Fox and Michael Bay. Turtle review to be found here – ‘TMNT’.

5. SAY WHEN – Okay for the intended audience member I guess, though it’s entirely predictable, not that funny at all and Sam Rockwell can do so much better. It’s just an awkward film that lags. Review here – ‘Say When’.

4. A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST – Some alright thought processes and a few laughs but having a moustache musical do take the biggest amount of chortles says it all. Too much toilet humour. Too long. Too Seth self indulgent and a wholly limp movie. Head over to the wild west here ‘AMWTDITW’.

3. THE NUT JOB – Poorly animated with even poorer plot work and jokes. The characters aren’t likable or engaging and for a cartoon the score should be fun and livelier but there’s no spark in that department either. Messy drivel that should be shelved out of memory but it’s forever stuck up there. Get nutty reading ‘The Nut Job’ review.

2. ANNIE – Needless, underwhelming, badly sung, performed and written. Just a terrible terrible film that drags with cloying cutey wutey stuff, bad taste tech subplots and Cameron Diaz in full on pantomime mode. My most recent movie review to be seen here – Annie’.

1. NATIVITY 3: DUDE WHERE’S MY DONKEY?! – I really don’t want to give this any more of my time, my fingers deserve better than typing about this miserable British seasonal film. Just read my review instead, you’ll understand. ‘Nativity 3’.


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