2016 Top Ten

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‘We are Number One.’…and two, three and four, five and so on. It’s belated but I’ve finally found time to notch up my favourite 10 movies from last year. Surprisingly this was easier because there weren’t too many great films released in 2016! You could say most were Rotten! Ahaha…moving quickly on then to number 10….

…but quickly before that, here’s a few films that almost made the grade…The Neon Demon, Deadpool, The Witch, Moana, The Invitation, Captain America: Civil War, Eddie the Eagle, Midnight Special, The Girl with all the Gifts, The Danish Girl, Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping then The Little Prince and Hush would have been on the list but didn’t gain theatrical releases so sadly, I didn’t include them.

So, in at ten –

10) GREEN ROOM…AND NOCTURNAL ANIMALS

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Enter the Green Room, a nightmarish small space in a neo-Nazi skinhead filled club. This movie brilliantly delivers on unsettling tension and dark turns as a band are menaced and killed. Full Review. Similarly, Tom Ford’s stylish Nocturnal Animals gives tension to the nth degree, the gritty story-within-a-story standing out as the best thing.

9) THE JUNGLE BOOK

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I don’t dislike the original Walt cartoon from yesteryear, but The Jungle Book isn’t my go to animation from them…so I was pleasantly surprised by this movie which looks incredible, the CGI landscape and animals are epic, Sethi as Mowgli blends into the darkly presented story very well and it zips along nicely as a well modernised tale. You wanna read my review-oo-oo? I know you do-oo-oo. Jungle Book

8) ARRIVAL

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Clever, gorgeous, intellectual, timey-wimey, language and love co-exist but with aliens. The story is always engaging, Adams’ performance is natural and affecting in her story that just happens to feature hovering space crafts and circular lingo. Arrive at my review.

7) ZOOTROPOLIS

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Fun but also incredibly on point about the very real politics of stero-typing and racial prejudice, this fluffy family flick is more in depth and smartly told than you’d think. Don’t be a sloth, quickly click on my review for Zootropolis.

6) 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE

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Dropped on us from nowhere, the Cloverfield world is expanded with this shift of genre as we get a claustrophobic thriller centered on relationships, mystery and danger instead of the found footage device. It was such a surprise and a fantastic film to boot. Tension kicks into overdrive, music is used so well and Goodman is a scary monster. Cloverfield

5) KUBO AND THE TWO STRINGS

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Laika have done it again by golly! This is such a rich and awesome stop-motion fantasy that goes over some very interesting and cultural textures whilst still featuring the humour and charm you’d expect. I want to see it again to just admire the work put into making this beautiful film. Kubo.

4) VICTORIA

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I am so so…so glad that I got to see this film. It isn’t just the sheer marvelling feature of shooting the entire movie in one-take but the performances are fascinating and believable, the story is engaging and you connect to the world as Victoria becomes involved more and more.

Well….we’ve reached the golden trio, the three musketeers, the tricycle of brilliance from last year. What’s in at number 3 then??

 

3) SING STREET

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Ah, what a charming and musically gorgeous film. The coming of age story is fun in itself but added with 80’s nostalgia, humour and songs, Sing Street becomes a movie to feel happy watching. I re-watched it recently and still found myself adoring every moment.

2) HUNT FOR THE WILDERPEOPLE

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Ricky Baker. Ricky Baker. A hero for the ages. This is a gem of a film with bittersweet moments, heartfelt tenderness, sharp comedy, coming of age and bonding adventures, randomness, lush locations and the ever reliable brilliance of Taika Waititi behind it all. Hunt the Wilderpeople down now…it’s so worth it if you haven’t seen it.

It’s here, Bully’s special prize. Iiiiiiin 1 –

 

 

1) THE HATEFUL EIGHT

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It had to be, as a Tarantino fan there was almost no question that this movie would hit the heights but it’d still have to be a good film and gladly it is. Three acts that all soar with incredible cinematic talent both behind and in front of the camera. Morricone on board for the score ensures the sound is perfect. Seeing it in 70mm also helped elevate the special sweeping look of this western blood soaked Quentin extravaganza. Dialogue, violence, humour and details are as crisp as ever and I loved every second. 8

Til next year…maybe…let’s see what 2017 has to give us hey?!

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Ten from the Bottom ’16

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Well thank goodness 2016 is nearly over. What an eventful year, iconic celebrities passing away, politics around the world going crazy, Stranger Things deservedly soaring, Trump undeservedly soaring and movies of the past 12 months missing the mark more than usual. It truly was a disappointing year for film with a lot of the feature’s I’d seen scoring average marks at best.

This easily could have been a Top 20 list…I’ve even had to be cheeky enough to tie a couple of films just to squeeze them into the running order. I’m also sick of this year and looking forward to a joyful experience of 2017 that here’s the bad movies that just missed out from pride of place in the final countdown:

Ghostbusters….The Legend of Tarzan….A Bigger Splash….Bad Neighbors 2….X-Men: Apocalypse….Office Christmas Party….Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children….The Big Short….Bad Moms….Keeping up with the Joneses….The Girl on the Train….Finding Dory….Passengers….The BFG and The Huntsman: Winters War. 

On with the main show then —

10) SUICIDE SQUAD…AND SAUSAGE PARTY

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Yes it’s cheating the system slightly but just call it the Troy Review Electoral College and this is why they both win (or lose by being in the list). Firstly with Suicide Squad, an eagerly awaiting fun looking film with a punchy trailer that actually had a poor script, poorer execution, a soundtrack like an epileptic record player and a bad Joker. Squad review.

Sausage Party had a good if not great premise but is such a film catered to guffawing teenagers with smut layered on every scene that eventually the sex jokes wear thin and there’s nothing left to offer…that food orgy scene is OTT, a lame sequel set up comes about and well…read more in my full review —> SP

9) ME BEFORE YOU

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Not my type of film anyway but on top of this is the near constant cheesiness involved. It’s also a film pushing into trying to be that sad movie that girls wipe away stains of mascara after watching it. More than this, the problem lies with the main disability and how forced it becomes. Me B4 U review

8) ALLIED

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The so-called passion between Cotillard and Pitt is more wet than a Christmassy brussel sprout fart, the story-line is absurdly dull with no clever turn and the boredom factor reaches near Spinal Tap levels of 11. Don’t be a traitor, read the full review here.

7) ZOOLANDER 2

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Fashion is danger! So is this ‘comedy’ sequel sprawling with celebrity cameos, a very shaky script and an overwhelming disappointing feeling you get by seeing it. It tries too hard and fails harder…check out how hot my review is right now.

6) FRIEND REQUEST…AND THE 5TH WAVE

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Let’s begin with Friend Request which is like an unwanted invite you get after seeing Unfriended. This sort of follow up/remake film is terrible. There’s lame jump scares, things become unintentionally funny and it feels similar but badly so to the visual flair of Unfriended. Delete now.

Chloe Grace Moretz in this shocking young adult science fiction attempt is okay but stares into the distance a lot, like I did trying to watch this film. Cheap effects and a terrible twist don’t help the movie along. Review.

Into the Top 5 we go –

5) AMERICAN PASTORAL

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The directorial debut from Ewan McGregor but not one to remember. The one word that would describe this movie is boring. It could have been way more interesting and powerful but it’s overly sentimental and hard to get through. American Bore

4) WARCRAFT

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So much going on and none if it really any good is this mostly boring fantasy flick from the brilliant director Duncan Jones…though you wouldn’t think it watching this. Long, silly and a titled beginning which hopefully has no middle or end to come. Borecraft.

3) BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE

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Long. A ridiculous plot. Lex Luthor’s more ridiculous plan. Jesse Eisenberg’s even more ridiculous acting. Boring Cavill. Boring generally. MARTHA! Thank goodness for Batfleck. BvS review

2) WIENER-DOG

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A couple of laughs really really really don’t save this film. It’s dreary, striving to be artistic and/or pretentious. The comedy it does have becomes annoying as it gets drawn out to breaking point. The movie is disjointed and the ending of it all is so horrendous and of bad taste that it leaves the film with such a sour note making you hate it further. Wiener of a film

Well…after taking that depressing trip down movie memory lane, I’ve come to the end of the line. Numero uno, the big kahuna of bad…a film so utterly terrible, unfunny and disgraceful that I knew it would be the first placed worst movie as soon as I’d finished watching it, almost a year ago.

1) DIRTY GRANDPA

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What do you want?? Read my review. I don’t wish to waste time writing more about this film. Go away…see you (hopefully) in 2017!

Victoria (2016)

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Hurrah, I have finally got around to seeing this film and by golly it didn’t disappoint after a near 8 month wait. The technical achievement itself is enough to love the movie but then you get an engaging story and deep performances to solidify this as a brilliant complex drama.

Leaving a club in Berlin is Victoria (Laia Costa) who winds up cycling home with a group of loud and rule-breaking men. There’s an immediate connection between her and Sonne (Frederick Lau) and a fun escapade onto an apartment roof furthers her unique night. However, Victoria ends up spending her time in a much more dangerous manner than she could expect as Sonne and his mates need to do something for a man named Andi.

Just having the idea of a continuous shot for an entire movie is brave but then to not only carry it out but do it very well is an astonishing feat. The one take movement of the movie certainly does a lot to help you step into the world of the film and become a voyeuristic character as the plot unfolds.

Sebastian Schipper directs with a confident touch, the way he commands for scenes to stay still and the camera rest as dialogue spills out are great moments to sit back, honestly after watching the whole thing it feels like you’ve been on a night out because you get so wrapped up in the story and Schipper ensures that the careful placements and movements of the camera aids this interesting immersive story. Obviously Sturla Brandth Grovlen deserves a continuous standing ovation for his stunning work on the continuous take.

Also, the lighting is incredible, whether strobe pulses in the club or natural lampposts at night, the wash of blues and yellows over a majority of scenes gives this film an impressive look that works over the gradually growing grittiness of the thriller narrative. The music too is well selected, drowning out diegetic sounds with a piano melody that raises chills and also connects nicely to the instrumental talents of Victoria.

I thoroughly enjoyed this movie and felt like I was there every step of the way. The one-take is masterful and it’s just so good that the writing of the story matched the clever way of telling it. My heart was sat in my mouth at one moment as Victoria tries starting a car, an empty car park filled with weapon wielding men is a kick-starter of tension and a soft lighted scene in a cafe is actually very romantic, cute and believably funny between a pair suddenly attracted to one another.

Laia Costa is a perfect vehicle to lead us around the unwinding plot. She delivers a wonderfully infectious smile but counter balances her energetic nature with a raw emotion that overflows with tears as she gets caught up in the world of Sonne and the others. Frederick Lau is so great, the way he tos and fros trying to be confident and then having nervous stalls in his mannerisms or speech is wonderful and together with Costa they run with the story like a new Bonnie and Clyde.

The one-take execution is phenomenal but you do forget that and become one with a detailed and impacting drama thriller which grips you by the collar and won’t shake you loose until the camera finally cuts to black.

8.5/10

Dirty Grandpa (2016)

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Just because it’s January and awards season, doesn’t mean it’s all personal high scoring movies and critically loved features; there is one movie that threatens to cast a frightening shadow over the first month of 2016 in being so awful that potential Oscar winning films could be forgotten. Which is worse because ‘Dirty Grandpa’ itself is the film you want to forget, ignore…erase from memory.

Uptight lawyer Jason Kelly (Zac Efron) is due to be married very soon but before his big day, his once close grandpa Dick (Robert De Niro) has him drive him apparently to his home in Florida, but really dickish Dick wants to insult every living thing and have sex with an extremely lustful spring breaker.

Dan Mazer, the director, or whatever he was doing behind the camera needs to be ashamed because after his debut outing with the frankly funny and well structured ‘I Give it a Year’; this follow up is perhaps the least entertaining and crude movie I’ve ever had the misfortune to clap my eyes upon. No joke, character, scene or in fact second of this film feels comfortable or right, it can’t even be called clichéd because at least other movies of the comedy genre manage to land a laugh amongst the usual characters or situations.

John M. Philips will hopefully be a name we don’t see often because his screenplay for this despairing 102 minutes is nothing but distasteful pokes at anything and everything offensive. Racism, sexism, homophobia, nudity and De Niro masturbating are all common things thrown into this nasty bubbling pot. Somehow amidst all the failing jokes this rude freak show of cinema labels itself a comedy and can’t see how ugly it is from start to finish.

The cringe worthy photo-shopped opening with Efron and De Niro snaps should let you know what a train wreck you’re in for but if that doesn’t then a later scene with a near naked Efron and an ill aimed idea to poke fun at paedophilia will really let you know the horror of what this film contains. There is no desire for engagement or connecting to the flimsy family road trip plot, there’s no originality or humour. Generally this movie fails to make me see how anyone cared a damn when constructing such a dire story, in turn making me want to stop giving a damn wasting time writing a review about it.

Robert De Niro by this point has all but crapped on his career, this recent and grotesque escapade being further proof that this talented icon of the screen is waning. It makes me sad at his choices that are horrible, either he’s happy with the money easily cashed in from coasting through movies or he’s…um, deluded. The character of Dick is so disgustingly painted that not even De Niro can save him. Zac Efron isn’t anything special, solely being there as the good guy and to draw in ticket sales by showing his ripped bod, hell even at times he looks hurt to be in this picture. Aubrey Plaza is viciously bad and sluttily two dimensional in what may be the worst thing she’ll ever do. Julianne Hough is boring and stuck in a clichéd box of the boring partner not right for the protagonist.

Everything in this film is in bad taste and I hate it more for seeing De Niro at the continued beginning of the end in his career. This dirty film is painfully unfunny with no value apart from likely soaring to the tops of worst movie lists of 2016 before we’ve even seen what’s on offer in the next 11 months.

0/10

I guess parts of the awkward wedding break up and De Niro lifting Efron for real is impressive, so:

1/10