2016 Top Ten

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‘We are Number One.’…and two, three and four, five and so on. It’s belated but I’ve finally found time to notch up my favourite 10 movies from last year. Surprisingly this was easier because there weren’t too many great films released in 2016! You could say most were Rotten! Ahaha…moving quickly on then to number 10….

…but quickly before that, here’s a few films that almost made the grade…The Neon Demon, Deadpool, The Witch, Moana, The Invitation, Captain America: Civil War, Eddie the Eagle, Midnight Special, The Girl with all the Gifts, The Danish Girl, Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping then The Little Prince and Hush would have been on the list but didn’t gain theatrical releases so sadly, I didn’t include them.

So, in at ten –

10) GREEN ROOM…AND NOCTURNAL ANIMALS

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Enter the Green Room, a nightmarish small space in a neo-Nazi skinhead filled club. This movie brilliantly delivers on unsettling tension and dark turns as a band are menaced and killed. Full Review. Similarly, Tom Ford’s stylish Nocturnal Animals gives tension to the nth degree, the gritty story-within-a-story standing out as the best thing.

9) THE JUNGLE BOOK

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I don’t dislike the original Walt cartoon from yesteryear, but The Jungle Book isn’t my go to animation from them…so I was pleasantly surprised by this movie which looks incredible, the CGI landscape and animals are epic, Sethi as Mowgli blends into the darkly presented story very well and it zips along nicely as a well modernised tale. You wanna read my review-oo-oo? I know you do-oo-oo. Jungle Book

8) ARRIVAL

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Clever, gorgeous, intellectual, timey-wimey, language and love co-exist but with aliens. The story is always engaging, Adams’ performance is natural and affecting in her story that just happens to feature hovering space crafts and circular lingo. Arrive at my review.

7) ZOOTROPOLIS

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Fun but also incredibly on point about the very real politics of stero-typing and racial prejudice, this fluffy family flick is more in depth and smartly told than you’d think. Don’t be a sloth, quickly click on my review for Zootropolis.

6) 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE

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Dropped on us from nowhere, the Cloverfield world is expanded with this shift of genre as we get a claustrophobic thriller centered on relationships, mystery and danger instead of the found footage device. It was such a surprise and a fantastic film to boot. Tension kicks into overdrive, music is used so well and Goodman is a scary monster. Cloverfield

5) KUBO AND THE TWO STRINGS

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Laika have done it again by golly! This is such a rich and awesome stop-motion fantasy that goes over some very interesting and cultural textures whilst still featuring the humour and charm you’d expect. I want to see it again to just admire the work put into making this beautiful film. Kubo.

4) VICTORIA

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I am so so…so glad that I got to see this film. It isn’t just the sheer marvelling feature of shooting the entire movie in one-take but the performances are fascinating and believable, the story is engaging and you connect to the world as Victoria becomes involved more and more.

Well….we’ve reached the golden trio, the three musketeers, the tricycle of brilliance from last year. What’s in at number 3 then??

 

3) SING STREET

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Ah, what a charming and musically gorgeous film. The coming of age story is fun in itself but added with 80’s nostalgia, humour and songs, Sing Street becomes a movie to feel happy watching. I re-watched it recently and still found myself adoring every moment.

2) HUNT FOR THE WILDERPEOPLE

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Ricky Baker. Ricky Baker. A hero for the ages. This is a gem of a film with bittersweet moments, heartfelt tenderness, sharp comedy, coming of age and bonding adventures, randomness, lush locations and the ever reliable brilliance of Taika Waititi behind it all. Hunt the Wilderpeople down now…it’s so worth it if you haven’t seen it.

It’s here, Bully’s special prize. Iiiiiiin 1 –

 

 

1) THE HATEFUL EIGHT

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It had to be, as a Tarantino fan there was almost no question that this movie would hit the heights but it’d still have to be a good film and gladly it is. Three acts that all soar with incredible cinematic talent both behind and in front of the camera. Morricone on board for the score ensures the sound is perfect. Seeing it in 70mm also helped elevate the special sweeping look of this western blood soaked Quentin extravaganza. Dialogue, violence, humour and details are as crisp as ever and I loved every second. 8

Til next year…maybe…let’s see what 2017 has to give us hey?!

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Ten from the Bottom ’16

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Well thank goodness 2016 is nearly over. What an eventful year, iconic celebrities passing away, politics around the world going crazy, Stranger Things deservedly soaring, Trump undeservedly soaring and movies of the past 12 months missing the mark more than usual. It truly was a disappointing year for film with a lot of the feature’s I’d seen scoring average marks at best.

This easily could have been a Top 20 list…I’ve even had to be cheeky enough to tie a couple of films just to squeeze them into the running order. I’m also sick of this year and looking forward to a joyful experience of 2017 that here’s the bad movies that just missed out from pride of place in the final countdown:

Ghostbusters….The Legend of Tarzan….A Bigger Splash….Bad Neighbors 2….X-Men: Apocalypse….Office Christmas Party….Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children….The Big Short….Bad Moms….Keeping up with the Joneses….The Girl on the Train….Finding Dory….Passengers….The BFG and The Huntsman: Winters War. 

On with the main show then —

10) SUICIDE SQUAD…AND SAUSAGE PARTY

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Yes it’s cheating the system slightly but just call it the Troy Review Electoral College and this is why they both win (or lose by being in the list). Firstly with Suicide Squad, an eagerly awaiting fun looking film with a punchy trailer that actually had a poor script, poorer execution, a soundtrack like an epileptic record player and a bad Joker. Squad review.

Sausage Party had a good if not great premise but is such a film catered to guffawing teenagers with smut layered on every scene that eventually the sex jokes wear thin and there’s nothing left to offer…that food orgy scene is OTT, a lame sequel set up comes about and well…read more in my full review —> SP

9) ME BEFORE YOU

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Not my type of film anyway but on top of this is the near constant cheesiness involved. It’s also a film pushing into trying to be that sad movie that girls wipe away stains of mascara after watching it. More than this, the problem lies with the main disability and how forced it becomes. Me B4 U review

8) ALLIED

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The so-called passion between Cotillard and Pitt is more wet than a Christmassy brussel sprout fart, the story-line is absurdly dull with no clever turn and the boredom factor reaches near Spinal Tap levels of 11. Don’t be a traitor, read the full review here.

7) ZOOLANDER 2

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Fashion is danger! So is this ‘comedy’ sequel sprawling with celebrity cameos, a very shaky script and an overwhelming disappointing feeling you get by seeing it. It tries too hard and fails harder…check out how hot my review is right now.

6) FRIEND REQUEST…AND THE 5TH WAVE

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Let’s begin with Friend Request which is like an unwanted invite you get after seeing Unfriended. This sort of follow up/remake film is terrible. There’s lame jump scares, things become unintentionally funny and it feels similar but badly so to the visual flair of Unfriended. Delete now.

Chloe Grace Moretz in this shocking young adult science fiction attempt is okay but stares into the distance a lot, like I did trying to watch this film. Cheap effects and a terrible twist don’t help the movie along. Review.

Into the Top 5 we go –

5) AMERICAN PASTORAL

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The directorial debut from Ewan McGregor but not one to remember. The one word that would describe this movie is boring. It could have been way more interesting and powerful but it’s overly sentimental and hard to get through. American Bore

4) WARCRAFT

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So much going on and none if it really any good is this mostly boring fantasy flick from the brilliant director Duncan Jones…though you wouldn’t think it watching this. Long, silly and a titled beginning which hopefully has no middle or end to come. Borecraft.

3) BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE

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Long. A ridiculous plot. Lex Luthor’s more ridiculous plan. Jesse Eisenberg’s even more ridiculous acting. Boring Cavill. Boring generally. MARTHA! Thank goodness for Batfleck. BvS review

2) WIENER-DOG

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A couple of laughs really really really don’t save this film. It’s dreary, striving to be artistic and/or pretentious. The comedy it does have becomes annoying as it gets drawn out to breaking point. The movie is disjointed and the ending of it all is so horrendous and of bad taste that it leaves the film with such a sour note making you hate it further. Wiener of a film

Well…after taking that depressing trip down movie memory lane, I’ve come to the end of the line. Numero uno, the big kahuna of bad…a film so utterly terrible, unfunny and disgraceful that I knew it would be the first placed worst movie as soon as I’d finished watching it, almost a year ago.

1) DIRTY GRANDPA

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What do you want?? Read my review. I don’t wish to waste time writing more about this film. Go away…see you (hopefully) in 2017!

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016)

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Cue magical music and the Warner Brothers logo in the clouds and rejoice because we’re back into the wizarding world of Harry Potter. This time we’re across the pond and in the jazzy 20’s as J.K Rowling steps up for her first screenplay and David Yates is back to kick start another series of fantastical fantasies.

Hufflepuff member and Hogwarts alumni Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne) is in New York with a suitcase filled with interesting and exotic creatures. Unluckily some escape and with the help of non magical aka No-Maj Jacob (Dan Fogler) he tries tracking them down and evading the attention of Graves (Colin Farrell) who is a director for Magical Congress in America. Whilst they find beasts, humans are rising against the fear of witches and one group may harbour something more powerful than they know.

Managing to avoid spoilers myself I will refrain from any hint of ruin for people that may read this and not have yet seen the film. I can 100% say though that the dazzling effects and wide-spread world conjured up by the amazing Rowling is on form. As soon as the movie begins you cannot help but feel that Potter nostalgia wash over but gladly it starts moving away and feels tonally different as we enter the busy streets of the Big Apple.

It’s the mythology and attention to detail that truly sells this film and makes it the enjoyable spectacle it is. The moment we follow Newt stepping into his suitcase is a brilliant sight to behold and a great scene to watch. The landscapes and animals contained in his travelling pack like the TARDIS-esque tents from ‘Goblet of Fire’ are incredible and it’s the earlier fun segment of the movie that is better than the latter portion.

J.K Rowling takes her small Comic Relief funding book and transports it to the big screen with what feels like ease. Newt and his love of beasties is believable and the 1920’s American set era helps lift the story, giving it an intriguing edge. This newness lets us see the expanding world of magic and how our trans-Atlantic cousins deal with wizards amongst the towering scenery.

Another highlight in the film is when we see a speak-easy and I was happy to hear some 20’s inspired music, though that’s all we get. The scene flows nicely and though it’s small it features a new character that screams perfect 20’s NYC. Yates returns as director and though he doesn’t provide anything wholly special or creatively outstanding, he brings the audience back into that comforting mould we like from the previous HP outings.

On the whole I really found myself wrapped up in this film and liking it; I only have three complaints. One was probably down to me because I guessed a twist from literally 2-3 minutes in. Secondly the latter half as mentioned nearly lets down the more adventurous gleeful first half, as we drift into the reveal of a dark force rattling through the city. All this wreckage with swirling smoke and black fire is quite messy and feels like too much, like a stitched on story to compete and fail with the better Newt journals of finding beasts and clearing his name. Thirdly, the end seemed to drag out and for me should have came before the last tiny scene which felt tacky.

I know that looks like a big paragraph but trust me, I enjoyed the move a lot. Positives totally outweigh the negatives and the cash cow is mooing heartily I’m excited for the announced sequels to come. This new look into the wizarding world with a great Redmayne had me mostly under their spell and is very entertaining.

7.5/10

Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children (2016)

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This movie certainly possesses that Tim Burton look that most of us recognise now. That’s a positive at least because for the most part it’s the style of the film that is glorious whereas the story feels slightly dull, definitely long and disengaging.

After the mysterious death of his grandfather, Jake Portman (Asa Butterfield) is gifted a postcard, this item on top of the stories his granddad told him lead him on a journey to try and stop time loops being invaded by Hollows. Jake and his dad Franklin (Chris O’Dowd) wind up in Wales where Jake steps into a 1943 children’s home run by shape-shifting time-bending Miss Peregrine (Eva Green) who needs Jake to step up and look after her special children as an attack looms.

That’s just the mild basis of what goes on during this movie, to be honest there is a lot more that happens with characters both main and small. It’s this bloated plot that makes the entire feature feel more than a little bit messy and one you’d hoped was more refined. The darker elements are well felt and the Hollows are interesting movie monsters but a narrative bouncing back and forth between time and countries becomes rushed and silly.

What doesn’t help is the lead character in Jake is less than thrilling. He’s a bland hero type who asks questions, obviously falls in love with the girl and that’s about that. Also, though the odd little children have peculiar quirks, we don’t get much at all in the way of their lives or backstories, instead we focus on Jake, his grandfather, the village of Wales and Hollows. In the end, the writing from Jane Goldman based on books by Ransom Riggs shoehorns the children in as nothing special and they solely become their peculiarities and nothing more. A film focused on the twins with death stares is something I’d love to watch.

A pier battle in Blackpool of all places is shot nicely and edited with zip, giving the movie a much needed lift by this point. The skeletons fighting nearly invisible Hollows looks exciting, earlier on in the movie there’s a neat section of stop-motion as ‘Toy Story’ Sid-like creations fight each other. The WW2 vision of the village is detailed and there’s a sunny Edward Scissorhands look to the home during these happier moments. Burton hands this story a welcome kookiness but he’s still not back to his best.

Asa Butterfield is massively boring during this film, whether it’s him or the character or both it makes no difference to the annoying fact that we have to follow him the entire way through. Eva Green does what she does best, her sultry voice and authoritative demeanour working as a kindly yet strict headmaster, mother figure. Samuel L. Jackson is one of the better factors in this, he has some great comedy lines and reacts well to the trying heroics of the children. Ella Purnell is the Burton special with an Alice like dress, big eyes and peculiar ability, she’s enchanting though and helps the film even if she’s no more than the romantic interest.

I won’t lie and say there’s nothing entertaining in this movie, because it does have good moments of whimsy and quite dark treads into that Burton world but it’s let down by plot holes the size of Wales and is far from the interesting spectacle it could have been.

5.5/10

 

The BFG (2016)

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The language of the film harks to the marvellous-ness of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory author and his charming writing but apart from that, the visuals and a few fun moments this big screen adaptation lags and is too vanilla.

Based on the book from Roald Dahl, this fantasy flick follows young Sophie (Ruby Barnhill), an orphan who glimpses a giant on the streets of London. She’s swiftly grabbed and taken to the wonky home of the lumbering man, known as the BFG – Big Friendly Giant (Mark Rylance). He collects and gives out dreams but has a tough time due to the meaner giants who can smell Sophie’s presence and make things difficult.

I remember quite fondly, the times I watched the David Jason cartoon adaptation of this story. It’s a 1989 feature and it looks like a Quentin Blake sketch come to life, it’s also fun, dark and a joyous watch. Skip forward 27 years later and we get this take on the story of being brave. This isn’t as enjoyable as the animated offering, perhaps that’s my nostalgia speaking but more likely that it’s this movie attempting a huge amount of motion capture, CGI of the worlds and keeping a British sweetness yet murkiness to the plot…it succeeds in the first two.

Steven Spielberg can certainly make great films and he has a knack for presenting dramas revolving children and the lack of parental figures in their lives. This narrative then should be perfect for his directorial style? Well yes, in a way it suits him greatly and he ensures Sophie is a confident lass even in the cold abandoned state of orphanage upbringing. What stunned me is that Spielberg seems to loosen his grip on the drama of storytelling, as this movie feels sorely missing of tension and engagement.

From start to nearly finish, this film seems catered for the little ones watching. It’s a shame because Dahl was an exquisite master of creating characters, language and worlds with a twisted dark take, which isn’t felt in this release at all. The introduction of the beastly Bloodbottler or Fleshlumpeater should have been way more frightening than it was. It all comes across rather tame, this safe presentation of a giant filled Earth never picking up motivation.

I only sat up and woke up from the sleep I actually nearly nodded off into, once Sophie and her new friend mention that they need to visit the Queen. From that moment onward the movie shifts a gear and becomes driven and amusing, thanks to the scaling of seeing the BFG in a palace tackling tables, hallways and food. The dream ideas just paled in comparison which is a real travesty because it could have been a fun colourful ride into the madness of what happens when we sleep.

The motion capture is fantastic though, I was worried upon seeing the second trailer as more of the giant was shown. I thought it looked naff but the eyes were stunning and creases in the skin, fingernails, quivers of the face all add up to a further convincing demonstration that mo-cap is a way forward in movie-making.

Barnhill plays Sophie confidently and gets a couple of smart, funny lines. There are times when this newcomer feels a little stagey and you can imagine Spielberg feeding her tips before calling action, as the enunciation becomes pronounced quite a lot. Rylance has his face well transferred to the giant, it’s like he has shot up to 24 feet high and learnt how to blow dreams into peoples rooms. It’s a bit of a slow take on the giant at times but he’s fine. Penelope Wilton lands in the more energetic part of the film by playing Queen Elizabeth II and seems to have a good time discovering the truth of what Sophie has known for a while.

At almost 2 hours, this film feels less of a jolly escapade and more like a long trek you wish you hadn’t started, but once you get near the end and you see the finish line, things pick up and a positive feeling washes through you. The BFG – a Bearable Fine Gait.

6/10

Now You See Me 2 (2016)

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I must say that I rather enjoyed and loved ‘Now You See Me’ from around May/June time three years ago. I realise it’s not spectacular or a groundbreaking piece of art, but for some entertaining break I found myself drawn to it, so even though a sequel was perhaps not necessary I was happy to welcome the news.

Now we follow the Horsemen as they keep themselves underground following the events from the first feature. FBI agent Dylan (Mark Ruffalo) is trying to help them out from within but at their first time back in the spotlight, Atlas (Jesse Eisenberg) and co find themselves fooled by an unseen presence. It leads them to Macau and Walter Mabry (Daniel Radcliffe) who offers them a heist in exchange for their freedom.

So, this time around we get more of a revenge based narrative as the Four Horsemen and leader Dylan get wrapped up in a sheet of mystical trickery. I must say that I do prefer the more fun side of the heist plot in the 2013 movie, but for a sequel this film does very well in not being needless or bad. At least I think that this film helps explain more and adds a different dimension to the characters to how they deal with being overshadowed by The Eye and science.

Jon M. Chu steps in to direct this time around and it could be said he gives the set up a darker edge. Yet, even with this more present thirst for vengeance and tragic backstory mixed in, he doesn’t do well with the pace. Sadly, the big let down for me within this film is how more often that not the plot begins sagging. Where the first film flew fast like a flung playing card, this one drops short of that adrenaline like a card flopped by the less than able Merritt.

Brian Tyler still ensures the music is captivating, the cinematography gives everything a cool sheen and London never looked so impressive even through the obligatory rain. It’s in the snappier moments like the ‘Mission: Impossible’ styled card escape sequence or the three different small tricks around London that the movie feels magical. Almost frustratingly you have to wait through an unnecessary Woody Harrelson reveal, a so-so ending twist and less charm than Louis Leterrier’s performance to get to these sharp and dazzling moments.

But saying this, if you’re after a silly fun caper outing then this film couldn’t be more for you. Lift up that stage show red curtain and marvel at how outlandish a film can be, how starry a cast can be and have a laugh both intended and unintentionally. Like a real magic trick you have to stay with all the slow pre-amble in hype for the big illusion and bigger reveal.

Jesse Eisenberg does what he does, with that strong neurotic performance making Atlas a force to be reckoned with in the role of potential captain. Woody Harrelson is a right laugh to watch and he’s great in becoming characters as you’ll see, even if it becomes a white toothed mistake on his CV. Mark Ruffalo takes a bigger slice of the pie this time and just shows that even in a comic magic based movie he can act his socks off whilst playing a man searching for answers. Lizzy Caplan is alright, but I hope that Isla Fisher returns because as newbie Lula May Caplan plays the part more than a little bit annoyingly. Morgan Freeman is a brilliant persona as always and gets a little boost to his character. Daniel Radcliffe as another new addition is fun, with a grit of smugness and mean, utilising on science even if we all know he’s the boy wizard underneath.

I still like the first film a lot more, but ‘Now You See Me 2’ is still a lark and an entertaining trip of magic, distraction and spectacle.

6.5/10

 

Tale of Tales (2016)

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Probably one of the strangest watches you’ll find at the cinema, which doesn’t mean it’s bad in any way. In fact, this is an Italian-French-British production that tickles heavily the fantasy taste buds leaving you lapping up the richness of the film.

We see three stories throughout, one is about the love a mother has for her son. Queen of Longtrellis (Salma Hayek) is adamant her miraculous child cannot see his similar friend leading her to severe over-protection. In another tale we find less than doting father of Highhills (Toby Jones) taking amazing interest in an insect over his daughter Violet (Bebe Cave). Then there’s the haggard sisters who accidentally gain the attentions of lothario King of Strongcliff (Vincent Cassel), as he hopes to sleep with ‘her’ not knowing how they look.

Together these are a wonderful collection of stories, bonkers but wonderful. Taken from the works of Italian poet Giambattista Basile this film goes between three rather interesting tales. It’s also cool to mention that Basile came up with fairy tale collections before the Grimm Brothers had, so these are very old narratives. This fantasy horror movie doesn’t exactly flit between the stories as we end up in each story for a chunk of time but it helps us get to know that certain place and the characters which inhabit that landscape. It feels far from rushed or pacy, in fact it’s a movie that takes its time in breathing surreal and dark life into every inch of the frame.

For his first English language movie as director, Matteo Garrone makes a beautiful portrait. I feel that’s the best word to use because upon viewing this, you’ll easily notice how much like a work of art this film is. The colours, the texture, the costumes and more besides help give it a fully embodied depth, making it more than a paper-thin fantasy. It’s got a serious bite to nearly every look, the establishing shots are stunning, the static shots help us take in the world and Garrone directs knowing how to handle something very different for the audience members seeking exactly that.

Amongst the blood, genuine comic moments and mature quality, this movie is helped by a fantastic score. Alexandre Desplat has an incredible amount of great titles under his belt and he can squeeze in another one as he gifts this fantastical folklore filled feature engrossing music. From the tension of the moments a King goes in search of a sea monster to the fleeing of an ogre, this movie is scored wonderfully and looks the same thanks to the painting or cinematography by Peter Suschitzky.

Salma Hayek is an interesting watch even if her segment isn’t the most interesting of the trio. She’s staring and almost silent as a mother wanting to be a mum and look after her son, she balances the darker side of her nature very well also. Vincent Cassel is funny and charming yet mildly sleazy as the Casanova of the piece. Toby Jones acts  a buffoonish man playing comedic delight in finding love for a flea and stupidly setting up his daughter in a guessing game, which Bebe Cave acts really well in. She’s bright eyed and loved up but wants more, then she gets to do more gritty acting as she finds herself in a trapped situation.Shirley Henderson and Hayley Carmichael as the wrinkled siblings are very good. Their section is my favourite and the way they play their parts is captivating to watch, they ooze that tragic shunned act and Macbeth witches vibe. Every cast member is great to watch and adds something to every moment of each story.

Sometimes slow but always bursting with sensual Italian Baroque style, comedy, eye opening dark adult moments and beautiful shots, this is a movie to wallow in just for that niche difference and visual design.

7.5/10